the thing about not knowing what is “meant to be” is that when you do know, you won’t work for it....
the next thing you'll know is that you lost it

23

"...So young. What plans do you have?" "You're very young, you still have more to learn and must have -not just skills." -And such. I always get that when I'm having "corporate conversations with adults". I thought I grew a lot after all those years, but how does they see me, or what do they see in me? Now I've been questioning: Have I been playing ever since? Where I was half-hearted in all my goals? "When will you get serious?" -A friend asked me, and I answered "Huh? I'm serious!" with a silly face.
I graduated when I was 19 and I thought I had stop growing after that since there was nothing new happening in my life. But, those years in between... so many happened within me because my surroundings tell me a lot of things -A lot of lies, a lot of what they want me to think, rather than what is the truth, so I lost interest in all those. Setting those aside.. I, ahh.... I can't say anything nice, can't find =_=. Oh, wait. I tried to change things, but it didn't work out. What was good about that, is now, I'm sure of what I am now.
Maybe I graduated too early (because 21-23 years old is the usual newly grad) and that, I was expecting a lot from the things I get when I'm at work.



what is that I wanna do? aah... sometimes I am so inspired and looking towards my goals.. but times like you're lost is always there. why can't i hold on to something for myself for long? no.. it's not gone.. it's just unstable.


outside, I've met these people: can be kind to you but says a different story when your on your back.. in their world, no  one can be a trusting/true friend. I can tell when they're plastics :| and politics? come on. i choose people who i respect and can look in their eyes. 




I'm done seeking knowledge in the world I shouldn't even look at. I recently learned that I was seeking...

So that's why.... that's why it seems like everything is wrong!

Like licking the glass of the poison I shouldn't even have held, curious what's the poison taste like.

Now, with these I have, what am I going to do with this emptiness that hunts me from time to time?

loosing

i am mad and confuse and i feel helpless... this is the first time i wished a person to be dead. 

where is providence? WHO is providence? can i be it? i always wanted to protect those people who are close to me. but i don't want to use a shield to protect. i want to use a sword. but i guess it's different when the one in danger is me.

how can i protect myself from the world i'm in now?
this. i'm scared that i might commit a sin to prevent a sin.

also, time will come, if not right now... that the one i should be careful of is my self... 

it's annoying..*sigh*

because my manager is a freakin' ferverted old jerk.... i dunno know what to think and do. i'm just keeping my cool.. till i can =_=

Mngr: *Sermons*... Now,do I sound like your Dad?
Me: ....Ahmm.... Actually, my Mom.